Weeping Madonna Statue

Today's helpful tip is a craft project, fun for all the family. Astonish your friends and bring hundreds of devoted peasants to your front door, with your very own Catholic traditional Weeping Madonna! Project suitable for ages 10 and upwards.

Manufacture is simple. Many religious statues are made of brittle porous materials which soak up liquids like a sponge. Their outside is covered by paint and glaze, so that they are effectively waterproof vessels.

- - - - Directions - - - -

1. Obtain a suitable Madonna and a sharp instrument. 6-inch Madonnas who look sort of doleful are the best.
2. Make two very thin small slits beneath the eyes; then, a larger hole in the back or top of the head, higher than the level of the eyes.
3. To saturate the inside of the statue with a suitable liquid, leave it immersed overnight. Red liquids look best, but remember not to use blood, because of course it coagulates.
4. Remove and rinse. The liquid will slowly seep from the eyes for quite some time. During this time, you can collect donations from dozens of superstitious peasants.
5. Remember, a Weeping Madonna needs no guarantee of reliability or regularity. If it's seen to weep once, that is enough to make its reputation. Be warned that you will receive reports from the faithful that your Madonna is also moving. Do not be alarmed, these do not indicate that the statue is dissolving.
6. Under no circumstances should you ever use a graven image of Madonna, the Pop Singer.