It's In The Book
a/k/a Grandma's Lye Soap

This was a popular comedy skit - and a hit record - in 1952. I like to think of it as what would happen if a Mother Goose book were substituted for the Bible at a Fundamentalist church and silly country songs were in the hymnals.  -- Turok

I have a message for you - a very sad message! My subject for this evening will be Little Bo Peep.

It says here, "Little Bo Peep" -- who was a little girl -- "has lost her sheep, and doesn't know where to find them." Now that's reasonable, isn't it? It's ... it's reasonable to assume if Little Bo Peep had lost her sheep, it's only natural that she wouldn't know where to find them. That, that basically is reasonable, but, uh, "leave them alone". Now that overwhelms me … completely overwhelms me. The man said she lost her sheep, turns right around and boldly states, "She doesn't know where to find them". And then has the stupid audacity to say, "Leave them alone!" Now! Now, now think for a moment! Think! If the sheep were lost, and you couldn't find them, you'd have to leave them alone, wouldn't you? So, "Leave them alone". "Leave them alone". It's in the book!

"Leave them alone and they" -- they being the sheep -- "they will come home". Ah yes, they'll come home. Oh, there'll be a brighter day tomorrow, they will come home! It's in the book.

"They will come home… a-waggin' their tails…". Pray tell me what else could they wag? "They will come home a-waggin' their tails behind them… behind them!" Did we think they'd wag them in front? Of course, they might have come home in reverse. They could have done that, I really don't know. But, none the less, it's in the book.

So now if you will, kindly pick up your books, and turn to page 222. We'll ask you all to sing. You'll find your books on the backs of your seats. Are we ready?

Everyone, 222. Let's really enjoy ourselves, let's live it up. All together.

Do you remember grandma's lye soap?
Good for everything in the home,
And the secret was in the scrubbing,
It wouldn't suds and couldn't foam.

Then let us sing right out of grandma's, of grandma's lye soap
Used for - for everything, everything on the place,
For pots and kettles, the dirty dishes,
And for your hands and for your face.

So we'll now sing the second verse. Let's get it with great exuberance, let's live it up. It's not raining inside tonight. Everyone, let's have a happy time. Are we ready? All together, the second verse.

Little Herman and brother Thurman
Had an aversion to washing their ears
Grandma scrubbed them with the lye soap.
And they haven't heard a word in years.

Then let us sing right out of grandma's, of grandma's lye soap.
Sing all out, all over the place.
For pots and kettles, the dirty dishes,
And for your hands and for your face.

Well, let's sing what's left of the last verse. Let's have a happy time, everyone. The last verse, all together. Every one!

Mrs. O'Malley, out in the valley,
Suffered from Ulcers, I understand.
She swallowed a cake of grandma's lye soap,
Has the cleanest ulcers in the land.

Then let us sing right out of grandma's, of grandma's lye soap.
Sing right out. All over the place.
The pots and - the pots and pans, oh dirty dishes,
And for your hands and for your face.

Click here to download an MP3 of the original.